Sam stopped taking naps and is so cranky by about 7:00 each night. And, for awhile, he was unable to sleep at night because he was waking up scared. He doesn't want to sleep...ever. The other night, I went into his room at midnight and he was doing puzzles. This was after not taking a nap!!! Jacob is waking up every two hours at night and is awake for about an hour. So, I am pretty much getting about 30 minutes of sleep at a time right now. This warps my perspective on everything. I am cranky and emotional and am nothing that I want to be. My quiet times are suffering...I honestly cannot tell you the last time that I had a quiet time where I was blown away. I have been doing them out of practice lately if I even get to have one. This is so hard for me to admit because I didn't think that this area of my life would ever suffer. I have always gotten up at 5:30ish to spend time in the Word before my family woke up. Now, I am just rolling out of bed for the umpteenth time when they all wake up. I try to read during Sam's rest time (NOT nap time) while I am holding or nursing Jacob. I honestly fell asleep on the floor during a prayer the other day and woke up to a screaming baby with the markings of my rug on my forehead.
David is going through some serious work stuff right now that is causing us to trust the Lord like never before. We've have always been aware of the fact that the Lord is our source for everything, but it is so real right now. To be honest, he is working right now...at 9:30 on Sunday night. whew. He is working hard and is working so that we can have lots of family time in the future, but it is hard right now.
So, I just wanted to be honest. I love posting pictures of my kids in their cute clothes with us all smiling and looking like life couldn't be better. I don't think it could, honestly. But, I had to take a minute to put some substance behind everything that we are doing so that I stay real. I never want to be someone who seems different than I really am. If you think of us at all, please pray that I would strive to know the Lord and that I would fall in love with Him each day of my life. That I would be caught up in Him and that I would seek Him in all I do. That I would cast my cares on Him and let Him carry my load. That I would walk in peace and dwell in His presence. I pray the same for you.
3 comments:
Sherry, I am so glad that you posted this. Are we all drinking the same water these days (i.e. all this blog-transparency)?? I think that "in reality" we all know that life isn't perfect, and if you're like me, I don't want to paint this rosy picture all the time. We do struggle. Things do hurt. I want people to know the real US. I am thankful that you and many others are truly REAL on their blog. It is encouraging to see that in your struggles, you are persevering and God is refining you through it. It also helps me to know that even "when" the Lord blesses us with little additions (in some way), it won't be perfect then, either =).
Love you friend and will pray for renewed desire for the Lord!
Sherry, I will pray for you. That sounds really hard. My QT's are suffering right now too. I hate that. I will pray that we both get back on track and that God will deliver Sam from his sleep issues. Hang in there, dear one!
Sherry- You are as real as they get. Thank you for your honesty. I know how it can be and have been there time and time again. Can I just tell you, this to shall pass. Your not staying in that place, you are just passing through. After it is all said and done you will be stronger and blessed by the Lord in more ways than one. He is for your good and your growth. I know you know all this, but I know when life caves in and sleep is minimal and we can't spend time in the word lies can filter in and disrupt our thinking. God bless you and I will be praying for you my sweet friend.
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