"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night, I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted."
I have never understood this Scripture. I have always been confused because the psalmist says that he cried out the Lord, but his soul refused to be comforted. What does this mean? Our Lord tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us; that He will be with us always; to come to Him to find rest. I have been chewing on this for several days and I finally got my answer by researching the word "comforted." How can we cry out for comfort and then refuse it?
Among the defintions that we would expect "comfort" to contain, there is the defintion that describes "to be grieved, to relent, to repent; it also signifies "a change of heart or disposition, a change of mind, a change of purpose, or a change of one's conduct." When I read this, I am sure that I became red-faced. Wow. My comfort often comes through my obedience. When we refuse to obey; to change our conduct, or even just our attitude, we refuse our comfort. Think about it for a minute. How often have I had a bad attitude about my day and because of my attitude, had a bad day? When, if I'd just change my attitude, I would have a "comfortable" day. Or, those times when the Lord has told me to start or stop doing something and I blatantly refuse His instruction. The discomfort of walking on a road that He hasn't called me to is unbearable. It doesn't mean that choosing a change is easy, but it is right and it is where my comfort is. Needless to say, I'm convicted. I have been thinking about this so much and asked the Lord to show me how this is.
Today, Sam threw a huge ( I do mean huge) fit. It lasted for about an hour...right before naptime. It is so hard not to just give in to him before naptime because I want him to nap, and I know that if I give him what he wants, he will probably go to sleep quickly. I wanted to hold him and rock him, but he refused the comfort that I wanted to give him because he chose to throw a fit. If he would have changed his conduct; and to be honest, if he would have just calmed down and said "please," I would have been able to comfort him. Instead, I had to hold his door shut so he wouldn't go and get what he wanted while he threw his fit. He fell asleep in the midst of the fit and I held him for a minute. In this moment, the Lord said,"see, he refused his comfort."
I want so badly to dwell in the comfort that the Lord has for me. This doesn't mean easy, it just means that I will be under the comfort of my Lord when I obey. Help me, Lord to obey you even when I don't want to. Even when I want to do what I want. Please show me when I refuse Your comfort and help me to run to obedience!