Sam is becoming so much more social these days and it is so much fun to watch! The parallel playing always made me feel like he didn't want to play with other kids, but I think it is just a developmental thing. This week, we went to Jason's deli after church and Sam recognized a little boy from his Sunday school class and they started making faces at each other and imitating everything the other one was doing. It was precious! Then, we went to the park that afternoon and there was a little girl there who was five that Sam played with the whole time that we were there. She was so sweet. They dug for bugs together, stomped on ants together and Sam gave her a giant leaf as a gift. I'm sure if he could have found a flower, he would have given that to her, but a leaf will do. I so wished to be right next to him to hear what they were saying to each other because they looked like they were having a serious conversation.

But, with social interaction comes the risk and reality of rejection. I have always dealt with feeling rejected and constantly battle insecurity like no one's business. Growing up, we moved a lot, so I had to be the "new girl" all the time. I'll never forget those insecure moments of eating lunch alone and telling myself that they'd like me once they got to know me. But, when they didn't, it hurt. I remember when we moved between my seventh and eighth grade years. I had really fallen in love with Jesus and finally felt accepted and loved and knew that He was my best friend. I memorized tons and tons of scripture and put scripture all over the walls of my room. I would write in a journal constantly and felt very confident in my relationship with the Lord and really didn't think I cared what anyone thought about me. Then, some girls found my journal at school and read it to their friends and everyone made fun of me. I felt so rejected, but I had just memorized about sharing in the sufferings of Christ and dealt with it pretty well. I still have to repeat scripture to myself constantly when I feel insecure and rejected by others. But, today, for some reason, my hurts felt fresh. Today, Sam was rejected by some big kids and he knew it. I know he's just two and he is totally over it, but I'm not. One boy looked at him and said, "diapers, ewww" and pushed him. I wanted to grab that little boy and tell him that Sam is being potty trained, but that would be stupid. While we were at the playground, Sam became especially clingy and I realized on our way home that it was probably because he felt rejected. Again, I know he's just two, but it is real. In the car, he was fussing and I asked him what was wrong. He said, "they did not want play wif sam at paygound." My heart about fell into a billion pieces. I mean, what do you say to a two year old to explain that it is completely normal for 5 and 6 year olds to not want to play with two year olds, but they don't know how to communicate it. How do you explain that he is loved and adored and wanted by so many people? How does a mom deal with this...really. I mean, I don't handle it well myself! Seriously, Sam is over it and as happy as ever; he's been running around and singing and dancing. He's fine. I just have to get used to the fact that he is going to deal with this stuff and I need to learn how to prepare him for it. It makes me want to make sure that he feels completely safe and loved in our home. It makes me realized that I can't be right next to him all the time to fix things and that there are really going to be hurts that I cannot heal...only the Lord can. I want so badly to be able to just "pour" all of my experiences on Sam without him having to go through the hurt or pain that comes with many of them. But, I want more for him to know Jesus for who He is; to know that he is loved and accepted by the Lord Himself. To know that Jesus wants him with Him more than anything; so much that He died for him. And, so much of knowing Him comes through all of those experiences.