Thursday, June 28, 2007
I am not having my best parenting moments right now. I'm not sure if it's because I'm pregnant or because Sam is two...and very two. Most of the time...seriously, we have the best time together and he is obedient and precious. But, we have those moments (and I have to remind myself that they are just moments) that I want to pull my hair out. Last night was one of my worst moments ever. I worked yesterday and could not wait to see Sam and be with him. He didn't take a nap yesterday, so I was prepared for an eventful evening, but not like we had. Sam wanted to go to the park. And, I wanted to take him to the park. But, I told him that we would go after dinner. So, we sat down for dinner and he refused to eat. I told him that we couldn't go to the park unless he ate. dern. When you say stuff like that, you have to stick to it; you cant really change your mind. It got to the point where I said, "just eat one bite and we can go to the park." nope. I tried to make him eat (I know Kim is laughing)...seriously, I tried to stuff it in his mouth and make him eat. I am a horrible person. I looked at David and said, "what are we going to do." I was thinking, ok, so we don't go to the park, but I don't want him to get to play and be rewarded for not eating by getting to play with any toy in the house, but I don't want to have him sit here and scream the rest of the night, either. Sam had many tears pouring down his face and I started to cry, too. Then, Sam said "what is mama dooning with her face?" and I just about lost it. I am laughing now...I must not have a pretty cry. Anyway, David said that if he didn't eat, we'd just go straight to the bath and then to bed. Sam didn't like this idea at all, but not enough to eat, so we did end up going straight to the bath and then he went to bed. My heart just about broke into ten thousand pieces when I was reading his books to him before bed and he said "yets go eat dinner and go to park". But, I just put him in his bed and he was asleep within two minutes. My attitude toward him last night was ugly and I feel horrible. When we prayed before I put him in his bed, I asked for forgiveness for not treating him like the gift that he is and although I know he doesn't understand, I hope that he will one day.